he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.