She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.