I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.