Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?