What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.