i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
