I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
