Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
