I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
