I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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