my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
