Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
