I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
