I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
