A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
