Kiss
Puke
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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