My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
