you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
