He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
