I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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