Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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