I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
