I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
