I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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