One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
