if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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