If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
