Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and she was petting her beer can
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
