OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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