the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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