I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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