Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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