i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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