I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
