found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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