the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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