Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
