I think I died a long time ago.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
