i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
