Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
