Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
