watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
