I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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