i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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