hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
