I can text with my tongue
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
