there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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