If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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