Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
