no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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