Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
