That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
