I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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