can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
