A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
