Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
