I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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