I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
