i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.