my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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