Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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