someone owes me an orgasm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
