Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
