There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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