I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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