maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nutella sex= disaster
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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