he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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