Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
