Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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