Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
