I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
false alarm, still single
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
