call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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