Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
